Poll: Most Americans Can’t Think of Something To Be Thankful For

In a marathon year of a global pandemic, skyrocketing unemployment, and the death of Alex Trebek, polls say most Americans can’t think of something to be thankful for this year. “I guess I could be grateful it wasn’t worse,” said Amy Collins, 34 of Denver, CO. “But… whoof. That sucks.”

Normally, Americans can choose to be thankful for their health, job, or family on their way to grandmas for dinner, but 2020 has turned all those options on their head. With over 12 million Americans infected with coronavirus, over 6 million unemployed, and infectious disease experts recommending people skip large family gatherings, people are skipping the usual platitudes and coming up short.

“I was going to be thankful Joe Biden won the election, but then I remembered… Joe Biden won the election,” said Collins. “So I don’t know, maybe I’ll just go with my new bread maker?”

“You stopped using that thing in May,” a voice shouted from the next room.

“Sorry, that’s Andrew, my fiancé. We were going get married in July, but… well, you know,” explained Collins, sitting back to really take stock of the situation.